Happy and secure romantic relationships make us feel whole. Having someone who loves you and stands by your side always, is the best feeling ever. Nevertheless, sometimes irrational jealousy, doubt and insecurity take over.
You may be wondering, why you’re feeling this way. You partner may be a good person and you feel confused as to what went wrong. Why do you still feel insecure and doubtful? What’s causing you to feel so?
The reason for insecurity
Well, as morbid as this may sound, feelings of insecurity in relationships often stems from childhood trauma inflicted by parental figures. When the parent or guardian of a child neglects the kid, devalues their emotions or just makes them feel unimportant, such children grow up to be adults who need constant reassurance from others that they matter.
This is and has always been the reason for insecurity in people. Childhood wounds and unfulfilled desires are often carried into romantic relationships. Where we burden the person beside us to step into the shoes of that absent/abusive parent who did not give back then, what you so badly needed.
All in all, what you truly need to feel secure in a relationship is surprisingly, not your partner, not their attention but acceptance of yourself as you are.
You see, when you accept and love yourself, you no longer need someone else to make you feel important. This is the best and permanent solution to matters of insecurity in relationships. Keeping that in mind; here are five things that will help you establish a secure relationship, with yourself and in turn your partner.
Listen to yourself / your intuition :
Sometimes we listen too much to what others have to say, over what we personally feel about the situation. This can create a lot of havoc in a couple’s life. In times of irrational feelings, it is easy to get lead on by another person, regardless of how good/bad their intentions maybe. Remember, you are the best judge of your situation!.
Meditate on your emotions:
Before reaching out for their phones or employing a hacker to break into their accounts(yeah some people do this nowadays). Just stop. Take a breather and see why you are feeling the way you feel. Writing it down on a paper helps greatly. You’ll see when you do this that the solution comes to you naturally.
Practice 5 minutes of silence everyday:
This is perhaps the most neglected part of maintaining relationships. Practicing silence of thoughts and mind every day helps you stay centered. The more you are free of old patterns, wounds and pains, the less likely you will feel insecure and hurt your partner.
Look into your lover’s eyes and know what they feel for you:
Finally, when you feel then green monster rising again, go to your partner and look them in their eyes. Hug them and feel what they feel towards you. There’s nothing more reassuring than a soul to soul connection in this world. Every insecurity, hurt and jealousy fades away in the wake of such a connection.