It is the start of a relationship and you are beginning to find yourself deep in the yard of emotional ambiguity with your partner (Essentially, in love!) You also discover narcissistic traits of your partner and are beginning to wonder if you are right about those.
Being less expressive of their vulnerabilities, over-protective of their own feelings also often coming out as selfish, unable to be confronted, being victimized; are a few traits you experience from a narcissist partner. As shallow these traits sound, it is crucial to understand two things, your partner might not even be fully aware of this behavior, and also you don’t wish to walk out of the possibility of having a fruitful relationship.
Narcissism might be a condition more than a choice, and dealing with it in a relationship in a healthy manner becomes crucial for both your sanity and your partners’.
Here are 6 ways to work out a relationship with a narcissist:-
Listen to yourself
carefully. No matter what you have been hearing or reading, you aren’t crazy or self-destructive to have fallen in love with this person. Narcissists can be charming. They can be all you expect from your other half; romantic, great in bed and loving.
They can even seem to be sensitive to your emotions and tuned in to your needs.If you are in a relationship with someone who satisfies you most of the time, then it really does not matter what other people are saying about her or him—for the most part. But if you are complaining constantly to your partner or to friends, family, or colleagues, then you might very well not be listening to yourself.These are signs of how your innate self feels about the relationship. So listen carefully to what you are saying to other people about the relationship. You might hear something you actually didn’t want to acknowledge. Sometimes, and it may have nothing to do with you (despite what your lover might try to tell you), the relationship goes south.
Do not take on board what they say, it doesn’t reflect you.
Narcissists project their fantasy onto others by thinking wrongly of others intentions or being suspicious of them. While also projecting that others are critical of them. So, you have to be mindful that they will most likely see you the wrong way, but it’s not who you really are, so do not take this personally. Do not try to defend yourself because they will feel attacked and attack you back.
Set limits and boundaries on unrealistic expectations, don’t give in.
Having a relationship that’s healthy with a narcissistic person does not mean you collude with their expectations or give into them. You need to set limits on their grandiosity, otherwise they will expect the world. But gently let them fall off the pedestal, so they can live in the real world, and realign their expectations in accordance with reality. The world is not their Oyster and they should not get away with everything they want. Otherwise, they continue to live within the delusional grandiose fantasy world, of seeking endless supplies.
Reinforce positive behavior.
Narcissists have certain areas of low self-esteem, while others say that such claims of self-doubt are usually bogus. But what seems to be crucial is that you recognize where and how they need to have their self-esteem enhanced. Try global praise—for example, “you are so great!”—does little to touch the areas in which people with NPD feel insecure. Instead, praising a specific behavior, such as how well she handled an awkward situation at work or how much your child enjoyed how he read the bedtime story last night, could reinforce the behavior and promote self-esteem if it is an issue.
What can you really expect from your love, and what fantasies do you have to give up?
For instance, if your love does not feel empathy in the way that you think he or she should, you may need to change your expectations. Empathy is not always a matter of saying or doing something soothing or loving when you’re feeling down or needy. Are there other signs that your needs are being responded to? Or is it possible that your partner simply cannot feel empathy in the way that you do?
Expecting people to behave better is reasonable (depending on the behavior that you’re asking them to change). Expecting them to change their personality is not only unreasonable but is also the reason that many relationships fall apart.
Be honest with yourself
Remember what you love about your partner. Then do an inventory of what you don’t like. And then ask yourself these two questions: 1) Do the things you love make up for what is missing? and 2) Can you live with the things you don’t like?
Because while some things can and, of course, will change over time, some of the stuff that you really don’t like may always be part of the package.