10 Funniest Jokes Ever Told

Your daily Joke of the Day now has some competition!

Global researchers examined over 1,000 jokes (from all over the internet) and narrowed them down to a list of 50, which 36,000 people then voted on.

We love the Joke of the Day and organizations that use it to foster a sense of humor, so here are the top ten funniest jokes ever: 

  1. (This was ranked first): A woman boards a bus with her infant. “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” exclaims the bus driver. The woman fumes as she walks to the back of the bus and sits down. “The driver just insulted me!” she says to the man next to her. “You go up there and scold him,” the man says. Go ahead; I’ll hold your monkey.”
  2. “Can you teach me how to do the splits?” I asked the gym instructor. “How adaptable are you?” he asked. “I can’t make Tuesdays,” I explained.
  3. Yesterday, police arrested two children, one for drinking battery acid and the other for eating fireworks. They charged one and then let the other one go.
  4. Doc, I can’t get ‘Green Green Grass of Home’ out of my head. “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome,” he said. “How common is it?” I inquired. “It’s not uncommon,” he said.
  5. I’m on a whiskey cleanse. I’ve already lost three days.
  6. My therapist believes I am obsessed with vengeance. We’ll see what happens.
  7. A priest, rabbi, and vicar enter a bar. “Is this some kind of joke?” asks the bartender.
  8. A group of chess fans had checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby talking about their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager emerged from the office and asked everyone to leave. “But why?” they asked as they walked away. “Because I can’t stand chess nuts bragging,” he explained.
  9. I was shopping at Tesco when I noticed this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. “Are you two dating?” I inquired.
  10. There was a check tablecloth on the table where I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion). He took two hours to bring me the salt.